Sh*t People Say on Instagram

After taking a two month hiatus from Facebook, (kind of like Rihanna, but without a nude picture scandal), I spent more time with the types of social media that personally make me happy, laugh, and keep me inspired–Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram. I carved out more time to make the recipes I salivated over (and could actually say “Nailed it!” to some of the creations), enjoyed the witty banter and chats with people I swear would be my BFFs in IRL, and scrolling through pictures of everyday life—well, I just became plain ‘ol addicted to Instagram. It’s about to knock Twitter out of place as my favorite!  But as much as I love it, I realized that there is definitely some Sh*t People Say on Instagram that they’d have me believing is the absolute TRUTH if they had their way.

Sh*t People Say on Instagram

Sh*t People Say on Instagram… 

no excuses

1.) There are #NoExcuses
No one has any. Apparently, I am the ONLY one that sometimes lets life interrupt and prevent me from 100% eating clean and getting to the gym everysingledaynomatterwhat because I’m #fitfam and #fitfluential and that’s just what you do or else your fitness card is taken away and you’re beaten with a dumbbell and chicken and broccoli are pelted at you in a public shaming. Phew! That’s a lot of pressure. But #NoExcuses!

nutella

2.) Starbucks, Nutella, & Overnight Oats are totes ahhhmazing.
I’m weird because I don’t like them. Oh I like Starbucks, but because I can’t afford to go to Starbucks every day and post pics of me with my red cup, but instead I make it at home old school like, I’m missing out because it’s not the same. And who doesn’t like Nutella and overnight oats? Me. Oops. What??? So yeah, girl, you can’t sit with us.

Make up at the gym

3.) If you wear make-up at the gym you should suffer “Make-up Shaming.”
That’s right. I’m not Team Natural and haven’t been since the sixth grade, Sephora makes my heart race, and I can and do lift weights with make up on. I didn’t wake up like this, I didn’t participate in the “make-up-free selfie” thing that was going around, and sometimes I wear make up while I’m just sitting on my couch with nowhere to go BECAUSE I LIKE IT even though no one will see me. Shame away!

if you still look cute at the end of your workout

4.) You didn’t sweat enough. Your workout is invalid.
I didn’t work out hard enough because I’m not drenched in sweat. Never mind you can’t see my back sweat or crotch sweat (ladies of IG, some of you and I discussed this already), and because my hair is still in place and beads of sweat aren’t pouring down my face, I might as well just count this workout as a loss. Pshhh. What a waste. Where you sweat is the only determining factor of your effort. Bad personal trainer—how didn’t I know?

I hate online dating

5.) You’re clearly an Online Dating Reject but need to try it for the 16th time because I know somebody who…
Well, Sally met her boyfriend on eHarmony. And Mary Jo is married to the man she met only a year ago on Match.com. And Suzy just got engaged and she met her fiancé on OkCupid. Seeing as how upon even the SLIGHTEST mention of online dating, I’m BOMBARDED with stories of how someone or her best friend or her sister’s cousin’s Zumba instructor met, dated, got engaged and then married her SOULMATE from doing online dating, something is clearly wrong with me because I haven’t. Clearly.

treat yo self

6.) Commitment to clean-eating. You ain’t ’bout this life.
I am the only one who enjoys a fine meal of beer and pizza or wine and a burger sometimes. No one else eats anything that is not paleo/vegetarian/vegan/loadedupwithquinoaandchiaseeds 100% of the time. And they don’t drink alcohol. It’s the devil’s brew. Only water. Infused with a lemon. An organic lemon.

Wraps are a Lie _ Stolen pics 1
Wraps are a Lie _ Stolen pics 2
Wraps are a Lie _ Stolen pics 3
ALL STOLEN PICS OF ME, by the way!!!

7.) Join my $25,000 Pyramid Scheme to reach your fitness goals.
If I don’t join your team and then recruit more members to then in turn each form a team, I won’t lose weight. If I don’t wrap my fat, I won’t lose weight. If I don’t use the exact supplements you take, I won’t lose weight. Because, well, I didn’t already lose weight or anything. I mean, duh, what was I thinking about knowing how to lose weight without those things.

Date Night Friday

8.) Turn down for what?!
It’s Friday night, sister. Errrrybody’s out. Either on a date or at the club with their girlfriends. What are you doing on the couch with your Chipotle and Dateline NBC? Yeah, you’re single but how are you going to meet anyone if you’re at home solving mysteries eating a chicken soft taco? Umm, because it’s not Date Night. It’s Dateline Night.

Working out in the morning

9.) You snooze you lose. Goooooo morning workouts!
If you didn’t spring out of bed to go run or to the gym when that alarm went off at 4:30am., your whole day will be a disaster. You won’t have enough energy to carry you through to the end of your workday. Heck, you’ll be too tired after work and you will skip working out all together. Everyone else is up posting their post-run, post-gym pics by 6am with hashtags like #ITrainWhileYouSleep or #5amgymsesh and you’re just waking up. How lazy, Cherie. We all know workouts after the workday don’t count anyway. Jeeze.

Yeahhhh, Instagrammers. You say the darndest things. Haha, always making me laugh though! 😉 Have any of you regularly seen some Sh*t People Say on Instagram that they believe is the gospel?

Comments 9

  • You don’t like Nutella???

    • NO> NO> NO> — Hahaha, it’s the NASTIEST thing I’ve ever tasted. Or, close to it I can’t stand hazelnuts! That’s why. Love chocolate though! 🙂

  • I love makeup and I always wear it and I never sweat on my face in high school my track team used to call me robot as I never sweat on my face and I do not agree that because my face/makeup is still intact at the end it does not count, I rebuke that lie. My life does not allow for am workouts so it’s pmworkouts and my heart thanks me and it does not care if it’s am or pm. I hate those wrap and waist trainer that flood my timeline, if it was that easy we’d all be fabulous. Most of these people that post these things I’ll never see/meet so their comments go in and out. Ps I don’t like Nutella and I don’t like oats and I don’t drink coffee at Starbucks or any place else. I love my hot chocolate.

  • OMG this is pure gold! And so true. I also don’t post a daily Starbucks cup nor am I excuse free. And for real, STOP it with the follows and messages about signing up for “insert company here” to get rich while “helping people”!
    More importantly, though – how in the world am I not already following you on IG? Expect a new follower momentarily.. haha.
    Nichole recently posted..When I’m Not Running…My Profile

  • #9 annoys me. I like sleeping in. I’m NOT a morning person. But I still work out almost every day. And I don’t do it for any damn compliments anyway.