When yoga farts happen to good people.

First, let me clarify that they have NOT happened to ME yet. Second, I’m a classy chick, so never did I think I’d be devoting a post to farting in yoga class. But–never say never AND as I’ve said many a time, I like honesty/rawness in my blog. It’s a legit concern of mine, I’m heading to yoga this morning and so I wish to discuss. Others have even discussed it in video form. {That vid is hilarious by the way.} But if you’re squeemish, can’t handle bodily function talk or don’t believe that girls fart {pssssh}, feel free to click away from this page now and come back tomorrow. Thanks for visiting. 😉

Soooooo, if it’s a morning class, I eat a sensible breakfast before I go.

Nothing too heavy, and NEVER less than two hours before class. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not one of those gals that can exercise on an empty stomach. And with doing something so intense as hot yoga {the only kind of yoga I currently practice} for 90 minutes in a 100 degree room, it would not be smart. I’d pass out for sure! But I definitely get my carbs in there, especially with the session being longer than 60 minutes.

More Fred water! 🙂

I also get in my proper hydration. No cramping here! I drink a lot of water the night before AND the morning of and during the quick water breaks in class. {Which I’ll add that I love when my teacher Maddy says, “Okay, take quick sip of water from your bottle if you need. IF I need it? Hells yeah, I need it! I just sweated out a bucket onto my mat! I’m dry like the Sahara woman!”}

Sweaty, gross, HAWT.

This is a pic of me from when I’m supposed to be doing Savasana {it was picture-taking day for the Facebook page}. Hahaha, real attractive, huh? Nope, those aren’t tears under my right eye; it’s hard-earned sweat.

Back to the gas passing–

Before I know it, it’s time for the part of class where the dread sets in…Nothing strikes fear in my belly like the words “wind-removing poses.”

Wind removing pose 1
Wind removing pose 2

Each time, I’m like, “Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Please don’t let me let a big one rip toot.” Some days are better than others. Some days I’m confident that I won’t be the one letting it all out {because again, as the title states, it’s yoga–farts happen} and some days I’m doing all I can to hold it all together. I’ll immediately go through my list of what I had eaten for dinner the night before. Now that I’m not gorging on meat three times a day and am eating a plant-based diet, I thought this would all go away. Why am I still a little *blush*, gassy? Help me RD’s or RD’s to be out there!

I know y’all are all thinking I’m crazy. Like, “What’s the big deal, Cherie? It’s just gas. Errrrybody does it.” True. True. But I feel this way during errrry class and I’m even eating  the healthiest foods now! It’s one thing if you are “that girl” one time during  a class. But it’s another if you fart a couple times during each and every class you go to. Then you start to be the “weird, farting, sweaty, stinky, black girl.” Oh the horrors! I look too cute in my little outfits to be labeled as such!

And before you say it, I know I’m supposed to be in the zone and focused and mentally IN the practice of my yoga. But I’m a newbie to this and it’s quite difficult to set my intentions, focus on them but also try to clench my glutes together like I’m holding the winning lottery ticket between the cheeks so no air leaks out while I’m thinking about the ghost of Patrick Swayze singing “She’s Like the Wind” in the corner of the room, about ME. Agggghhhh.

So am I crazy? Overreacting? Needing to eat something else before class?

Does this ever happen to you? What poses turn you into Toots McGee?

Don’t be afraid to share. We’re all friends here! 😉 Oh, and if you should ever happen to be in class with me, don’t be afraid to place your mat near mine. Again, I say, I haven’t done this yet–it’s just in my head. My record is still fartless flawless!

Comments 22

  • Hahahahahhhahah! Maybe I don’t want to try hot yoga now! I had no idea you were taking a 90 minute class!! That’s awesome! Have you noticed a difference since you’ve started taking these classes so regularly?

    • Hahaha, no Holly, goooooo! 😉 I think maybe I’ve eaten a lot of beans/veggies lately?? I don’t know…. But yes, it’s 90 minutes! So intense, but amazing. I notice that I am a lot more flexible, my posture is awesome, I feel stronger and my thighs and bum are making me quite happy!

  • Thanks for starting my morning off with a smile!

  • I am no dietitian, but I think when you switch over to a plant/legume diet you can have a lot of gas the first month(s). I would hope it would get better with time. You could also try doing “wind removing pose” right before you go at home and try to get it all out!

    • Haha, that’s what my hubby said–do the wind removing at home before I go! And you’re right–it’s probably the beans and greens!!!

  • I don’t even know how to respond to this post but I am laughing my ass off. Hopefully I don’t toot while laughing. 😉

  • Haha, love this post. But if we’re getting real here? I’m MUCH less concerned with farting than I am about it’s less socially acceptable it-happens-to-everybody cousin…”queefing” or “varting” or vaginal farts is something I worry a lot more about. Ever seen this video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsD0bugAn40 It’s a good laugh, but I’m always petrified that it will happen to me. It HASN’T YET – THANK GOD – but I do dread the inversion poses every class. Sometimes I just don’t do them, but would love to hear everyone else’s take on this, and specifically a sure-fire way to avoid it.

    • Hahaha, thanks!! And oooooooh yeah, the vaginal farts!!!!! Oh the horrors. Umm, yeah, that DID happen to me. Luckily it was quiet and mostly unnoticed, I hope…it is definitely less socially acceptable!!! 🙁

  • Haha, exactly…I don’t want to be THAT girl!!! 😉

  • Bwahahahahaha, this post made me laugh out loud. I’ve seen that vid…I think I linked it to you once, actually!

    As for the gas? I’ll be honest with you, my best friends brother is a boxer. Like Golden Gloves winner. All she used to complain about in high school was his farting, which always got worse when he was eating super clean. I’m assuming the fiber-rich foods gitcha.

    Queef. Hahahahaha. I HATE that word, but it’s a pretty hilarious one.

  • I especially enjoyed the “She’s Like the Wind” reference, lol.

  • ZOMG I love this post!! I get ridiculously tickled talking about farting and pooping, I think it’s the best/funniest thing ever! (Laura and I were just talking about this earlier today!)

    I’m not going to lie- vegetarians are just kind of gassy people. (the oligosaccharides in the beans and in some vegetables aren’t super digestible and this can give you some discomfort and gassiness). There’s like a whole thread about this on some random message board I found a while back. It made me laugh SO hard!!! I’m not as farty anymore as I used to be, so I think your body will get used to it more and more after a while. There’s something called “beanzyme” if you’re really worried about it (it’s like “beano” but there’s no gelatin in it)

    • Oligosaccharides–I’ve gotta remember that! I was wondering if it was the beans. 🙁 I’m glad to know there’s an alternative to Beano too. Hopefully it’ll just start to clear up soon!!

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  • I did a google search, because I let a big one rip in my second yoga class. Of course, I was like the classless redneck that sneaked into class. I had a hard time hiding my laughter. Everyone else pretended they didn’t hear it, until the end when the instructor started talking about how yoga helps to release all your bodily functions. I’m going again … please help me!!!

    • Haha, Linda, this is making me howl! Well, all I can say is that it happens to the best of us! There have been many classes now that someone lets it rip, and it’s never me. But I will admit, I have a few times. Just couldn’t help myself with those wind-removing postures! 😉 I’d say try not to have any foods before {or even the day before} your class that are known to cause gas. Also, try your best to have that bowel movement and clean yourself out before class! Haha, it may be TMI, but it works!

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