Anthropologie Fitting Room: My size is what?!!

I try not to make a habit of crying in the dressing room. People wonder what’s going on in there or assume you’re having a breakdown because something doesn’t fit. For most of my life, that was the case. I’d select a lovely pair of pants or a skirt, take it to the fitting room and figure I’d slip right into it. Or at least squeeze. I mean, sheesh, holding it up before me it would look big enough. But upon the attempt of trying it on, I’d discover that wasn’t the case. Oh the horror!! How did this size get tight, too??? And then the waterworks would begin. I learned to loathe dressing rooms. No good ever happened in there.

Until recently.

In August, this happened at Target with a pair of black pants. And that was the start of good things happening behind those closed doors. And then in September, this also happened at the Gap with a pair of jeans. I know, right? Seriously happy tears were shed. So now, in December, I did it once more. I cried in the fitting room again. This time it was in Anthropologie with a pair of gray shorts.

Okay–I’ll backtrack for a moment.

I was sitting at home this past Thursday watching the Today Show. I was content to chill on the couch all day until it was time to head to the pub to watch my Steelers play. Just then, they had a segment where a woman was wearing winter shorts with opaque leggings. I HAD to have them. I love this look and it was high time that I tried it out. But I had no winter shorts in my closet. I then remembered that I had a birthday coupon from Anthropologie burning a hole in my wallet. Sweet!

I only go there in December upon receipt of this birthday coupon, mind you. Whilst I LOVE the store, I can’t afford it. Haha, I can still barely afford it with the coupon, but I still make the 30 minute drive out there once a year for my birthday treat.

I looped around the store once. I just love the look, feel and smell of it in there!

A wee bit blurry, but still awesome.

I like to look around the whole store because one, as I said, I love how it looks, feels and smells in there. But also, two, I don’t want to look cheap making a beeline to the clearance section in the back {even if I am}. :-) I looked around and around and then set my eyes upon the lovely gray shorts.

I checked the tag. Nope. They weren’t going to fit. I looked around more and found some big, thick corduroy shorts. UGH. They were just going to make me look bulky, but they were the only ones in my size.

The frustration and self-doubt started to set in. “How can I have been bustin’ my butt working out and eating healthy for two weeks shy of TWO YEARS and still not be able to fit those gray shorts. This is flippin’ ridiculous!!! Some personal trainer I am if I can’t even get myself to the size I want to be in that amount of time. LOSER!!! ARGH.” I said a few other things which I’ll omit to kept this PG. But yeah, I was pissed. I attempted to calm myself down and figured I’d just buy them anyway and keep them as my next piece of “goal clothing.” Some people don’t recommend this as they think it can be discouraging if you don’t reach that size, but it works for me and keeps me always looking ahead and focused. I had been having goal clothing all along and hadn’t updated it for a few months now. Yup, the shorts would serve that purpose. I still wanted to try to try them on.

I approached the blonde girl in the dressing room. She was very peppy. And pretty. And fit. And, well, blonde. “Hi!! I’m Sarah!! Do you want to try those on? What’s your name?!!” I wasn’t really in the mood for this. I was about to try on the gray shorts that I just knew wouldn’t fit, but should darn well have fit by now, and while looking at Sarah realized two of her could probably fit in them. I muttered, “Cherieeee, ” as she ushered me into my stall. “Let me know if you need anything!! I’ll be right out here. And again, my name’s Sa–…”  I finished for her, “SARAH!!! Mmm’kay. Thanks.”

Behind the door, tears started welling up already. There was no need for me to be short with her. I didn’t even know this chick. She’s not me. I’m not her. So what if she’s thin. I came a long way. A 70 pound loss is awesome. Yeah, it should be more by now. But I had the leg setback and my back problem flared up again. I should be happy for just maintaining my loss through all of that. I look and feel better than I ever have. And wasn’t I supposed to be working on that ‘not-comparing-myself-with-others’ thing? So, all of this was going through my head, or maybe even uttered to myself at a very low volume when–

SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY FIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before the major tears were shed...

I started screaming for Sarah. “SARAHHHHHHH!!!” And I jumped out of the fitting room. “How do these look Sarah?! Do they fit okay? How about with black leggings underneath? I’m doing a Today Show look I saw this morning. I lost 70 pounds! They fit. I didn’t think they would! But they do! OMG, they’re so cute, right?!” Suddenly I was acting like Sarah was my BFF and we went way back. She assured me I looked great {her job, of course, lol} and that she liked that look. I apologized for acting so nuts and then went back into the fitting room. That’s when I cried. And that’s when she probably really thought I was nuts. Oh well. I wasn’t gonna let anyone rain on this weightloss parade!

Sooooooooooo…speaking of raining on my parade……I mentioned before in many of my posts that I wasn’t going to talk about my size until I got down to the size that I wanted to be. I also mentioned the same about my weight. I’m still holding true to the weight thing, but I’ll go ahead and discuss the size of the shorts. But first–my little disclaimer–I know many of you are anti-talk-about-size-people. Sizes don’t matter to you and neither does weight. You don’t step on a scale everyday {like I do religiously} and you believe none of that matters; it’s all about how you feel and how you look in your clothes.  I hear you on some of that. But I’m a size and numbers gal. I like to know my size ESPECIALLY now that it is getting smaller. Life with my mother, bless her heart and rest in peace, was a bear where clothing size and weight was concerned. I’m just programmed to think that way and not interested in changing that. It’s not a version of Stockholm Syndrome, I swear, hahaha–it’s just how I am. If you regularly read my blog, you’ve heard me talk about that before. For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a certain size and a certain weight and dagnabbit, I’m going to get there, the healthy/fit way this time. So on my journey to do that, numbers are always on my radar and I’m perfectly fine with that–it works for me. So again, if you’re not from the school of sizes/numbers, more power to you–just don’t try to bring me down because I am! :-) Let’s embrace our different schools of thought, okay!

Alrighty…I started my journey on January 1, 2010 and I was a size 20. These shorts are a size 8. EIGHT!!!!!!!! This is pure madness for me to wrap my mind around. That’s why I cried. I wanted to believe that I could reach single digits, but it still seemed out of touch. Especially a few weeks after I started when it didn’t feel like I was losing anything. I can’t remember the last time I was in a single digit size piece of clothing. In that fitting room, I swear every emotion I had over the past two years flashed through my mind and it was overwhelming.  With sweat, determination, self-motivation, desire, passion and a don’t-quit attitude–I did it. It wasn’t fast. It’s wasn’t easy. But it was/is EPIC!!

I’m thoroughly looking forward to the next fitting room breakdown! 😉

Any Anthropologie lovers out there? Have you ever had a good fitting room experience?